[Joshua]

Budro dies and goes to Hell. He's sitting down there mildly content. Satan walks by, sees him and says, "What's with you?" He says, "This feels like a June day in Louisiana." Satan gets mad and goes over to the thermostate and turns it up. Later he comes by and Budro is smiling to himself. Satan goes, "What are you smiling about?" Budro says, "This feels like a July day down on the biyjou." Satan gets more angree and turns the thermostate up even higher. About a half hour later Satan walks by and Budro is kinda snickering now. He says, "It's hotter than Hell down here. What are you snickering about?" He says, "This feels like an August day down south." Satan goes over to the thermostate and reefs on it and breaks it. Things start getting cold, it starts icing up, eventually it starts snowing. Satan comes by and Budro is rolling with laughter on the ground, he's high fiving the demons, and generally causing a scene. Satan goes, "What's your problem. Before it was hotter than hell and now it's freezing. Why are you so excited?" He says, "Well obviously the Saints just won the Superbowl!"

 

Add your humorous story here!

[Joshua]

[Joshua]

Geneticaly Modified Signs

 

Signs that scientists have gone too far with genetically modified food:

*Your hot dog just fetched its own ketchup and relish.

*You spot the tell-tale signs of a primitive central nervous system in you Jell-O.

*Chocchini: looks like zucchini, tastes like a Ding Dong.

*The black-eyed peas on your fork just winked at you.

*Every time you pour a glass of orange juice, your garage door goes up. 

[Joshua]

Geneticaly Modified Signs

 

Signs that scientists have gone too far with genetically modified food:

*Your hot dog just fetched its own ketchup and relish.

*You spot the tell-tale signs of a primitive central nervous system in you Jell-O.

*Chocchini: looks like zucchini, tastes like a Ding Dong.

*The black-eyed peas on your fork just winked at you.

*Every time you pour a glass of orange juice, your garage door goes up. 

[Joshua]

I especially like todays thought. Enjoy:

today'sFUNNY===========================

"Oh, master…tell me of fate."

 

"Ah, my son…it is what has brought great nations together. It has made the world a smaller place in which to live. It has inspired men of worth to work endless hours.  It will some day enable men to span the universe and light years of travel will soon become mere seconds in time."

"And that, my master, is fate?"

"Oh, FATE! I thought you said FREIGHT."

today'sTHOT============================

We occasionally stumble over the truth but most of us pick ourselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened. 

[Joshua]

I especially like todays thought. Enjoy:

today'sFUNNY===========================

"Oh, master…tell me of fate."

 

"Ah, my son…it is what has brought great nations together. It has made the world a smaller place in which to live. It has inspired men of worth to work endless hours.  It will some day enable men to span the universe and light years of travel will soon become mere seconds in time."

"And that, my master, is fate?"

"Oh, FATE! I thought you said FREIGHT."

today'sTHOT============================

We occasionally stumble over the truth but most of us pick ourselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened. 

[Joshua]

No offence to Catholics. Just some humor.

A drunken man staggers into a Catholic Church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak, and finally the drunk replies: "No use knockin' mate – there's no paper in this one either!!" 

[Joshua]

No offence to Catholics. Just some humor.

A drunken man staggers into a Catholic Church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak, and finally the drunk replies: "No use knockin' mate – there's no paper in this one either!!" 

[Joshua]

I came accross some religious jokes. Some are good, some not so much.

A woman is making pancakes for her kids, and the kids start arguing over who is going to get the first pancake. Deciding it's a good time for a morality lesson, she says to them, "You know, if Jesus were sitting here, He would say 'let my brother have the first pancake'."

One of the brothers looks at the other and says, "Okay, you be Jesus!"

 

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.

A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby sitter."

At a picnic for a Catholic school, the Mother Superior stacked a pile of apples on one end of a table with a sign saying, "Take only one apple please – God is watching."

On the other end of the table was a pile of cookies, on which a second grade student had placed a sign on saying, "Take all the cookies you want — God is watching the apples." 

[Joshua]

I came accross some religious jokes. Some are good, some not so much.

A woman is making pancakes for her kids, and the kids start arguing over who is going to get the first pancake. Deciding it's a good time for a morality lesson, she says to them, "You know, if Jesus were sitting here, He would say 'let my brother have the first pancake'."

One of the brothers looks at the other and says, "Okay, you be Jesus!"

 

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.

A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby sitter."

At a picnic for a Catholic school, the Mother Superior stacked a pile of apples on one end of a table with a sign saying, "Take only one apple please – God is watching."

On the other end of the table was a pile of cookies, on which a second grade student had placed a sign on saying, "Take all the cookies you want — God is watching the apples." 

[Love'n Honey]

Lol, nice. One day my daughter was running up and down the aisles in the store yelling "Hallelujah! Thank you Jesus!"

[Love'n Honey]

Lol, nice. One day my daughter was running up and down the aisles in the store yelling "Hallelujah! Thank you Jesus!"

[Joshua]

This is cute:

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running to church as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class.

As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!"

While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again.

As she ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! But please don't shove me either!" 

[Joshua]

This is cute:

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running to church as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class.

As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!"

While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again.

As she ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! But please don't shove me either!" 

[Love'n Honey]

Lol! I used to think the same thing! When I was in middle school, I was a terrible runner. When we had to run a mile, I always thought I wasn't going to make time. But suddenly I felt a push and would always make it seconds before failure. But I thought it was my angel.

[Love'n Honey]

Lol! I used to think the same thing! When I was in middle school, I was a terrible runner. When we had to run a mile, I always thought I wasn't going to make time. But suddenly I felt a push and would always make it seconds before failure. But I thought it was my angel.

[Joshua]

I am totally going to use this!

Supporting a Family

 

Jake had proposed to young Gina and was being interviewed by his prospective father-in-law.

"Do you think you are earning enough to support a family?" the older man asked the suitor.

"Yes, sir," replied Jake, "I'm sure I am."

"Think carefully now," said Gina's father.

"There are twelve of us…" 

[Joshua]

I am totally going to use this!

Supporting a Family

 

Jake had proposed to young Gina and was being interviewed by his prospective father-in-law.

"Do you think you are earning enough to support a family?" the older man asked the suitor.

"Yes, sir," replied Jake, "I'm sure I am."

"Think carefully now," said Gina's father.

"There are twelve of us…" 

[Joshua]

Just a few more for you:

Can u believe what people do in the church these days?

I was in the church listening tothe priest's sermon when i saw a guy smoking cigarettes inside the church.

I was so amazed that i didn't know when the bottle of beer i was holding fell on the floor.

When I was young I used to pray for a bicycle. Then I realized that God doesn't work that way.

So I stole a bicycle and prayed for forgiveness.

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!"

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.

"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

"What's a 'man', Lord?"

"This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger and faster and more muscular than you. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, well. He's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But, you can have him on one condition."

"What's that, Lord?"

"You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.

The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."

Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service 

[Joshua]

Just a few more for you:

Can u believe what people do in the church these days?

I was in the church listening tothe priest's sermon when i saw a guy smoking cigarettes inside the church.

I was so amazed that i didn't know when the bottle of beer i was holding fell on the floor.

When I was young I used to pray for a bicycle. Then I realized that God doesn't work that way.

So I stole a bicycle and prayed for forgiveness.

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!"

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.

"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

"What's a 'man', Lord?"

"This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger and faster and more muscular than you. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, well. He's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But, you can have him on one condition."

"What's that, Lord?"

"You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.

The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."

Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service 

[Joshua]

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.

"No!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!" 

[Joshua]

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.

"No!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"