[Joshua]

Budro dies and goes to Hell. He's sitting down there mildly content. Satan walks by, sees him and says, "What's with you?" He says, "This feels like a June day in Louisiana." Satan gets mad and goes over to the thermostate and turns it up. Later he comes by and Budro is smiling to himself. Satan goes, "What are you smiling about?" Budro says, "This feels like a July day down on the biyjou." Satan gets more angree and turns the thermostate up even higher. About a half hour later Satan walks by and Budro is kinda snickering now. He says, "It's hotter than Hell down here. What are you snickering about?" He says, "This feels like an August day down south." Satan goes over to the thermostate and reefs on it and breaks it. Things start getting cold, it starts icing up, eventually it starts snowing. Satan comes by and Budro is rolling with laughter on the ground, he's high fiving the demons, and generally causing a scene. Satan goes, "What's your problem. Before it was hotter than hell and now it's freezing. Why are you so excited?" He says, "Well obviously the Saints just won the Superbowl!"

 

Add your humorous story here!

[Joshua]

[Joshua]

I know it's a little late in the season for this joke but I'm giving it to you anyway.

 

Have you ever heard of the story about a Viking named Rudolf the Red?

Rudolf was at home with his wife one day and as he sat looking out of the window he said, "It's going to rain!" His wife asks, "How do you know it's going to rain?" His reply, "Cause Rudolf the Red knows rain dear."

[Joshua]

I saw an ad that read, "Radio for sale: $1 Volume stuck on full!"

I thought, "I can't turn that down!"

[Joshua]

 

Alcohol & Fats

             It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.

            The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

            The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

            The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

            The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

            The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat a lot of sausages and fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

Conclusion:

            Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you!

[UntouchableJ]

Lol

[Joshua]

One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, “When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller. You don't love me anymore.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           “Nonsense, darling,” replied the husband, “you just cook better now.” 

[Joshua]

Taxes are like golf! You drive really hard to reach the green just to wind up in the hole.

[Joshua]

I rear ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside of the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

(You know how sometimes you just get sooo stressed and little things just seem funny?)

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it…. he was a Dwarf!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well then, which one are you?"

 

And that's how the fight started…

[Joshua]

It's been so cold where I'm at that the other day I turned on my shower and hail came out!

It's so cold that I went to Wal-Mart and saw an Omish man buying an electric blanket!

[Brian Taylor]

Joshua wrote:

I rear ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside of the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

(You know how sometimes you just get sooo stressed and little things just seem funny?)

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it…. he was a Dwarf!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well then, which one are you?"

 

And that's how the fight started…

HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! good one!

[Joshua]

When I was a school teacher I got a number of strange answers to simple questions. It was when I got this answer that I knew I couldn't handle being a school teacher.

The question was, "What are the four seasons?" One of my students answered, "Salt, Pepper, Sugar, and Soda."

[Joshua]

Recently I was riding in a Taxi heading to the airport. I leaned forward to ask the driver a question but when I tapped him on the sholder the unimaginable happened.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, jumped the curb, and stopped short of hitting a plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then the shaking driver said, "Are you ok? I'm sorry for all of the excitement but you scared the daylights out of me."

Needless to say I was a bit shaken up but I said, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize that a tap on the sholder would startle you so much."

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a Taxi. For the last twenty-five years I've been driving a hearse."

[Joshua]

 A company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO.

The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall and idly picking his teeth.

The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.

He asked the guy, “How much money do you make a week?”

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, “I make $400 a week. Why?”

The CEO said,”Wait right here.”

He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, “Here’s four weeks’ pay.

Now GET OUT and don’t come back.”

Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked,

“Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?”

From across the room a voice said,

“Sure – he was the Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s and was just waiting to collect the money!”

[Joshua]

 Once there was a little boy that lived in the country. They had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer and cold in the winter and stank all the time.The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek. One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick and started pushing. Finally,the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away. That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper.Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why.

The dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today.It was you, wasn't it son?"

The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth."

The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in the cherry tree."

[Joshua]

 

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock at the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's 3:30 in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over.

Then a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing on the porch. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.

"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push??"

"No, get lost! It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and he slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "That wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the babysitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"

"But the guy was drunk," says the husband. "It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him."

So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the front door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?" And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please." So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?"

And the drunk replies, "Over here, on the swing."

[Joshua]

There was this blond who was tired of hearing dumb blond jokes. She decided to go home and memorize the capital of all of the fifty states. So she goes home and studies for most of the evening and memorizes all of the calitals of the fifty states. The next day at work, sure enough, some jokester starts is with a blond joke. She stops him right away and says, "I'm tired of all of these stupid blond jokes! Not all blonds are stupid! As a matter of fact last night I went home and memorized the capital of all fifty states. Have YOU ever done that!?!" The jokester replied, "No, but I don't believe that you memorized the capital of all fifty states. What's the capital of Nevada?" She says, "N!"

[Joshua]

 

If you shoot a mime should you use a silencer?

[Sarah2013]

Nothing funny about playing with Yeshua…. He is no joke.

[Joshua]

 

Q: What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?

A: Guardians of the Galaxy.

[Joshua]

 

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,'" and he left. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "OH, COME ON!," St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"

[Joshua]

 

A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."