[Joshua]

Budro dies and goes to Hell. He's sitting down there mildly content. Satan walks by, sees him and says, "What's with you?" He says, "This feels like a June day in Louisiana." Satan gets mad and goes over to the thermostate and turns it up. Later he comes by and Budro is smiling to himself. Satan goes, "What are you smiling about?" Budro says, "This feels like a July day down on the biyjou." Satan gets more angree and turns the thermostate up even higher. About a half hour later Satan walks by and Budro is kinda snickering now. He says, "It's hotter than Hell down here. What are you snickering about?" He says, "This feels like an August day down south." Satan goes over to the thermostate and reefs on it and breaks it. Things start getting cold, it starts icing up, eventually it starts snowing. Satan comes by and Budro is rolling with laughter on the ground, he's high fiving the demons, and generally causing a scene. Satan goes, "What's your problem. Before it was hotter than hell and now it's freezing. Why are you so excited?" He says, "Well obviously the Saints just won the Superbowl!"

 

Add your humorous story here!

[Joshua]

[Joshua]

 

 

Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. 

That’s just how I roll.

[Joshua]

 

Things Never Said by Southerners

 

— Duct tape won't fix that.

— Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.

— We don't keep firearms in the house.

— You can't feed that to the dog.

— The kids can't ride in the back of the pickup — it's just not safe.

— Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

— We're vegetarians.

— Do you think my gut is too big?

— Honey, we don't need another dog.

— Who's Richard Petty?

— We could just share a small bag of pork rinds

— Too many deer heads detract from the decor

— I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today

— Is there anything in this restaurant that's NOT fried?

— The tires on that truck are too big.

— I've got it all on the C drive.

— There's too much sugar in this tea.

— Checkmate.

— I believe you cooked those greens too long

[Joshua]

 

MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE:

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Georgia edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Georgia. If you have one of the Georgia editions you may need some help understanding the commands.

The Georgia edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen.

 

    It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of the General Lee super imposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver.

Also note:

Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse

My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption

Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys

Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard

Hard Drive is referred to as 4 wheel drive

Floppies are them little ole plastic disc thangs.

Other features:

    Instead of an error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.

OK = ats aww-right

cancel = hail no

reset = awa shoot

yes = shore

no = Naaaa

find = hunt-fer it

go to = over yonder

back = back yonder

help = hep me out here

stop = ternit off

start = crank it up

settings = sittins

programs = stuff that does stuff

documents = stuff I done done

    Also note that winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.

    Some programs that are exclusive to winders 98:

tiperiter…………….A word processor

colering book…………a graphics program

addin mershene………..calculator

scratch paper ………..notepad

jupe-box …………….CD Player

inner-net…………….Microsoft Explorer

pichers………………A graphics viewer

IRS………………….M/S accounting software

IRS2…………………M/S accounting software with hidden files

coon dog……………..American kennel club records

fishin……………….Bass Anglers Sportsman Society records.

NRA………………….National Rifle Association

shot gun …………….Remington Arms price list

riffel……………….Winchester price list

pisstel………………Smith & Wesson price list

truck………………..Ford & Chevrolet dealers in GA. by zip code

house………………..Nearest Mobil home repair service by zip code

car …………………same as truck, just need two lists in Texas

cuzzins………………family history usually a 3 meg file

tax records…………..usually an empty file

shells……………….ammunition inventory, another 3 meg file

bud………………….list of Budwiser dealers by zip code

racin………………..NASCAR racing schedule includes list of TV stations that carry the race car n' truck

Parts…….nearest Junk yard by zip code

doc …………………veterinarians by zip code

    We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the Georgia edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.

 

[Joshua]

There have been some comments made in the "Recent Comments" section of this website. All I have to say about that is, "Listening to some people is like trying to pick up p o o p from the clean end!"

[Joshua]

A drunk guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks her over. He says, “You don’t feel so tough now, do you, Batman!?”

[Joshua]

I keep re-bumping this topic because one of the things the WMS steals from their members and the families they devastate is HUMOR! I hope that this string gives people a much needed laugh when they probable need it more than they know. Please keep sharing your humorous comments.

[marky]

@Joshua

I have to say, you have been posting jokes on here for 5 years. Which is very impressive and they are great you have brought a great amount of comic relief to the WMSCOG topic. Keep it up!

[Joshua]

Two incredibly smart guys were having a conversation when one of them came up with an idea. He said, “Lets play a game. I will ask myself a question and if I answer it correctly you buy me a drink. Then you do the same thing and if you answer your question correctly I will buy you a drink.” The other guy had never heard of such an idea like this. He decided, what the heck, why not!?! So the first smart guy asked himself, “How does a rabbit create a burrow without pitching dirt all over the outside of the whole?” The second guy waited for the first guy to answer himself. After a few moments of thought the first guy answers, “The rabbit starts his burrow from the inside!” “You owe me a drink!” he said. The second guy says, “How does the rabbit do that?” The first guys says, “I don’t know, that’s your question!”

[Joshua]

Apparently putting Alka Seltzer into your mouth before you get baptized and coming up acting like your demon possessed is not funny. (I dare anyone in the WMSCOG to try this!)