Let's put some humor in here!

  • Creator
    Topic
  • #7066
    Joshua
    Participant

    Budro dies and goes to Hell. He's sitting down there mildly content. Satan walks by, sees him and says, "What's with you?" He says, "This feels like a June day in Louisiana." Satan gets mad and goes over to the thermostate and turns it up. Later he comes by and Budro is smiling to himself. Satan goes, "What are you smiling about?" Budro says, "This feels like a July day down on the biyjou." Satan gets more angree and turns the thermostate up even higher. About a half hour later Satan walks by and Budro is kinda snickering now. He says, "It's hotter than Hell down here. What are you snickering about?" He says, "This feels like an August day down south." Satan goes over to the thermostate and reefs on it and breaks it. Things start getting cold, it starts icing up, eventually it starts snowing. Satan comes by and Budro is rolling with laughter on the ground, he's high fiving the demons, and generally causing a scene. Satan goes, "What's your problem. Before it was hotter than hell and now it's freezing. Why are you so excited?" He says, "Well obviously the Saints just won the Superbowl!"

     

    Add your humorous story here!

  • #50725

    Joshua
    Participant

    Here's todays:

    Two bats are hanging out in this cave. One bat says, "I could sure use a mouth full of blood about now." The other bad says, "So could I but it's almost sun up." The first bat says, "Hang out, I'll be back." He flys out and returns five minutes later with a mouth full of blood. The other bat asks, "Where did you get that?" He says, "Do you see that tree out there?" "Yes" answers the other bat. The first one replies, "I didn't!" 

    #15479

    Joshua
    Participant

    Here's todays:

    Two bats are hanging out in this cave. One bat says, "I could sure use a mouth full of blood about now." The other bad says, "So could I but it's almost sun up." The first bat says, "Hang out, I'll be back." He flys out and returns five minutes later with a mouth full of blood. The other bat asks, "Where did you get that?" He says, "Do you see that tree out there?" "Yes" answers the other bat. The first one replies, "I didn't!" 

    #50726

    Elievalkyrie
    Participant

    LOL. Ok since you started the topic about blood, here's one:

    Three vampires, one rich, one middle-class and one poor, went to the restaurant. 

    A waiter approached their table and ask for their preference.

    The rich vampire said, "I would like to order one bottle of fresh blood."

    The middle-class vampire said next, "I think I'll just have one frozen blood-bag, thank you."

    The poor vampire told the waiter, "Please get me one cup of hot water". He then opened his bag and got out a used sanitary napkin and said, "I'll just have tea."

    #15482

    Elievalkyrie
    Participant

    LOL. Ok since you started the topic about blood, here's one:

    Three vampires, one rich, one middle-class and one poor, went to the restaurant. 

    A waiter approached their table and ask for their preference.

    The rich vampire said, "I would like to order one bottle of fresh blood."

    The middle-class vampire said next, "I think I'll just have one frozen blood-bag, thank you."

    The poor vampire told the waiter, "Please get me one cup of hot water". He then opened his bag and got out a used sanitary napkin and said, "I'll just have tea."

    #15502

    Joshua
    Participant

    Oh boy, that's gross! Thanks for sharing.

     

    Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac? He would lay awake all night wondering if there was a DOG.

    #50727

    Joshua
    Participant

    Oh boy, that's gross! Thanks for sharing.

     

    Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac? He would lay awake all night wondering if there was a DOG.

    #15506

    Elievalkyrie
    Participant

    LOL. Sorry for my last joke. It was kinda gross, I just couldn't help posting it. lol.

    #50728

    Elievalkyrie
    Participant

    LOL. Sorry for my last joke. It was kinda gross, I just couldn't help posting it. lol.

    #15515

    Simon
    Participant

    "Come forth," Jesus said to me "and I will give you eternal life!" Unfortunately, I came in fifth so I got a toaster.

    #50729

    Simon
    Participant

    "Come forth," Jesus said to me "and I will give you eternal life!" Unfortunately, I came in fifth so I got a toaster.

    #50730

    genny
    Participant

    Joshua, I told my kids the thermos joke this morning as I was fixing their lunches for school this morning (soup in a thermos).  They loved it! 

    Thanks all for the laughs. 🙂

    Here's one for you…

    What's brown and sticky?……..

    A stick.

    (linguistic humor 🙂

    #15521

    genny
    Participant

    Joshua, I told my kids the thermos joke this morning as I was fixing their lunches for school this morning (soup in a thermos).  They loved it! 

    Thanks all for the laughs. 🙂

    Here's one for you…

    What's brown and sticky?……..

    A stick.

    (linguistic humor 🙂

    #15523

    Simon
    Participant

    lol

    #50731

    Simon
    Participant

    lol

    #50732

    Joshua
    Participant

    I work in an place were it seems like every joke told is dirty and or foul. It's great to be able to bring some good humor (And I don't mean ice cream.) into peoples lives. I wish I had started this post earlier. There have been times when I certainly could have used it. Thank you all for taking time and sharing your humor. Keep it up folks!

    Here's another short one for ya:

    What's red and smells like blue paint?

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Red Paint!

    #15526

    Joshua
    Participant

    I work in an place were it seems like every joke told is dirty and or foul. It's great to be able to bring some good humor (And I don't mean ice cream.) into peoples lives. I wish I had started this post earlier. There have been times when I certainly could have used it. Thank you all for taking time and sharing your humor. Keep it up folks!

    Here's another short one for ya:

    What's red and smells like blue paint?

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Red Paint!

    #15552

    Joshua
    Participant

    Two salmon are swimming up this river. One of the salmon hits this wall full force. I mean this salmon hit this wall face first and hard! The other salmon says, "Dam."

    #50733

    Joshua
    Participant

    Two salmon are swimming up this river. One of the salmon hits this wall full force. I mean this salmon hit this wall face first and hard! The other salmon says, "Dam."

    #50734

    KF
    Participant

     

    A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.

    The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

    Meanwhile…..somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.

    The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

    To: My Loving Wife

    Subject: I've Arrived

    Date: 18 May 2012

    I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.

    P.S. Sure is hot down here!

    #15553

    KF
    Participant

    A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.

    The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

    Meanwhile…..somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.

    The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

    To: My Loving Wife
    Subject: I’ve Arrived
    Date: 18 May 2012
    I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
    P.S. Sure is hot down here!

Viewing 20 replies - 41 through 60 (of 569 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.