[Joshua]

Budro dies and goes to Hell. He's sitting down there mildly content. Satan walks by, sees him and says, "What's with you?" He says, "This feels like a June day in Louisiana." Satan gets mad and goes over to the thermostate and turns it up. Later he comes by and Budro is smiling to himself. Satan goes, "What are you smiling about?" Budro says, "This feels like a July day down on the biyjou." Satan gets more angree and turns the thermostate up even higher. About a half hour later Satan walks by and Budro is kinda snickering now. He says, "It's hotter than Hell down here. What are you snickering about?" He says, "This feels like an August day down south." Satan goes over to the thermostate and reefs on it and breaks it. Things start getting cold, it starts icing up, eventually it starts snowing. Satan comes by and Budro is rolling with laughter on the ground, he's high fiving the demons, and generally causing a scene. Satan goes, "What's your problem. Before it was hotter than hell and now it's freezing. Why are you so excited?" He says, "Well obviously the Saints just won the Superbowl!"

 

Add your humorous story here!

[Jesus of Nazareth]

[Jesus of Nazareth]

Dad and I up here in Heaven were LMAO when we saw this.  You guys are creative little devils down there.  Rock on, you're forgiven.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iiZwrRLS2-A 

I put it here in your humor section so as not to upset the eb and flo.  Feel me ?

Chow.

[Jesus of Nazareth]

Dad and I up here in Heaven were LMAO when we saw this.  You guys are creative little devils down there.  Rock on, you're forgiven.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iiZwrRLS2-A 

I put it here in your humor section so as not to upset the eb and flo.  Feel me ?

Chow.

[Joshua]

SLEEPING IN THE BARN

A Congressman and two friends – a rabbi and a Hindu holy man – had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer.

The farmer said, "There might be a problem; you see, I only have room for two to sleep, so one of you must sleep in the barn."

"No problem," chimed the rabbi. "My people wandered in the desert for forty years. I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening."

With that, he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night.

Moments later, a knock was heard at the door, and the farmer opened it. There stood the rabbi from the barn.

"What's wrong?" asked the farmer.

He replied, "I'm grateful to you, but I can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn, and my faith believes that is an unclean animal."

His Hindu friend agreed to swap places with him. But a few minutes later, the same scene recurred. There was a knock on the door.

"What's wrong now?" the farmer asked.

The Hindu holy man replied, "I too am grateful for your helping us out, but there is a cow in the barn, and in my country cows are considered sacred. I can't sleep on holy ground!"

Well, that left only the Congressman to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but he went out to the barn.

Moments later, there was another knock on the farmer's door.

Frustrated and tired, the farmer opened the door, and there stood … the pig and the cow.

 

[Joshua]

SLEEPING IN THE BARN

A Congressman and two friends – a rabbi and a Hindu holy man – had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer.

The farmer said, "There might be a problem; you see, I only have room for two to sleep, so one of you must sleep in the barn."

"No problem," chimed the rabbi. "My people wandered in the desert for forty years. I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening."

With that, he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night.

Moments later, a knock was heard at the door, and the farmer opened it. There stood the rabbi from the barn.

"What's wrong?" asked the farmer.

He replied, "I'm grateful to you, but I can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn, and my faith believes that is an unclean animal."

His Hindu friend agreed to swap places with him. But a few minutes later, the same scene recurred. There was a knock on the door.

"What's wrong now?" the farmer asked.

The Hindu holy man replied, "I too am grateful for your helping us out, but there is a cow in the barn, and in my country cows are considered sacred. I can't sleep on holy ground!"

Well, that left only the Congressman to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but he went out to the barn.

Moments later, there was another knock on the farmer's door.

Frustrated and tired, the farmer opened the door, and there stood … the pig and the cow.

 

[Joshua]

Ladies, I hope you get a kick out of this:

Gifts For Men

 

Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women.  Follow these rules and you should have no problems.

Rule #1:

When in doubt – buy him a cordless drill.  It does not matter if he already has one.  I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain.  As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

Rule #2:

If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it.  Men love saying those two words.  "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?"  "OK.  By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3:

If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car.  A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror.  Men love gifts for their cars.  No one knows why.

Rule #4:

Do not buy men socks.  Do not buy men ties.  And never buy men bathrobes.  I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

Rule #5:

You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out.  If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner.  Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Rule #7:

Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant.  I'm told they do not stink – they are earthy.

Rule #8:

Buy men label makers.  Almost as good as cordless drills.  Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere.  "Socks. Shorts. Cups.  Saucers.  Door.  Lock.  Sink."  You get the idea.  No one knows why.

Rule #9:

Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box.  It will ruin his day and he will always have parts left over.

Rule #10:

Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire.  NAPA Auto Parts and Sear's Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores.  It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is.  "From NAPA Auto, eh?  Must be something I need.  Hey!  Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane?  Wow! Thanks."

Rule #11:

Men enjoy danger.  That's why they never cook – but they will barbecue.  Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank.  Tell him the gas line leaks.  "Oh the thrill!  The challenge!  Who wants a hamburger?"

Rule #12:

Tickets to a football game are a smart gift.  However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.

Rule #13:

Men love chainsaws.  Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw.  If you don't know why – please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label-maker.

Rule #14:

It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder.  Never buy a real man a step ladder.  It must be an extension ladder.  No one knows why.

Rule #15:

Rope.  Men love rope.  It takes them back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts.  Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manilla rope. 

[Joshua]

Ladies, I hope you get a kick out of this:

Gifts For Men

 

Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women.  Follow these rules and you should have no problems.

Rule #1:

When in doubt – buy him a cordless drill.  It does not matter if he already has one.  I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain.  As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

Rule #2:

If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it.  Men love saying those two words.  "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?"  "OK.  By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3:

If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car.  A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror.  Men love gifts for their cars.  No one knows why.

Rule #4:

Do not buy men socks.  Do not buy men ties.  And never buy men bathrobes.  I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

Rule #5:

You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out.  If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner.  Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Rule #7:

Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant.  I'm told they do not stink – they are earthy.

Rule #8:

Buy men label makers.  Almost as good as cordless drills.  Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere.  "Socks. Shorts. Cups.  Saucers.  Door.  Lock.  Sink."  You get the idea.  No one knows why.

Rule #9:

Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box.  It will ruin his day and he will always have parts left over.

Rule #10:

Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire.  NAPA Auto Parts and Sear's Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores.  It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is.  "From NAPA Auto, eh?  Must be something I need.  Hey!  Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane?  Wow! Thanks."

Rule #11:

Men enjoy danger.  That's why they never cook – but they will barbecue.  Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank.  Tell him the gas line leaks.  "Oh the thrill!  The challenge!  Who wants a hamburger?"

Rule #12:

Tickets to a football game are a smart gift.  However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.

Rule #13:

Men love chainsaws.  Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw.  If you don't know why – please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label-maker.

Rule #14:

It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder.  Never buy a real man a step ladder.  It must be an extension ladder.  No one knows why.

Rule #15:

Rope.  Men love rope.  It takes them back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts.  Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manilla rope. 

[Joshua]

Guys, word of advice, TAKE THE HINT!:

A couple's lawn mower was broken, and the wife kept hinting to her husband that he should get it repaired.  But the message never sunk in.  She finally thought of a way to make her point.

One day the husband arrived home to find her seated in the grass busily snipping away with a pair of scissors.  He watched silently for a short time, and then went into the house.

He returned a few moments later, handed her a toothbrush and said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the sidewalk."

The doctors say he should be able to walk again, but will always have the limp. 

[Joshua]

Guys, word of advice, TAKE THE HINT!:

A couple's lawn mower was broken, and the wife kept hinting to her husband that he should get it repaired.  But the message never sunk in.  She finally thought of a way to make her point.

One day the husband arrived home to find her seated in the grass busily snipping away with a pair of scissors.  He watched silently for a short time, and then went into the house.

He returned a few moments later, handed her a toothbrush and said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the sidewalk."

The doctors say he should be able to walk again, but will always have the limp. 

[Joshua]

This is not really a humor, just a thought:

EVERYTHING I NEEDED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM A JIGSAW PUZZLE

By Jacquie Sewell (with apologies to Robert Fulghum)

1. Don't force a fit–if something is meant to be, it will come together naturally.

2. When things aren't going so well, take a break. Everything will look different when you return.

3. Be sure to look at the big picture. Getting hung up on the little pieces only leads to frustration.

4. Perseverance pays off. Every important puzzle went together bit by bit, piece by piece.

5. When one spot stops working, move to another. But be sure to come back later (see #4).

6. The creator of the puzzle gave you the picture as a guidebook. Refer to the Creator's guidebook often.

7. Variety is the spice of life. It's the different colors and patterns that make the puzzle interesting.

8. Working together with friends and family makes any task fun.

9. Establish the border first. Boundaries give a sense of security and order.

10. Don't be afraid to try different combinations. Some matches are surprising.

11. Take time often to celebrate your successes (even little ones).

12. Anything worth doing takes time and effort. A great puzzle can't be rushed.

13. When you finally reach the last piece, don't be sad. Rejoice in the masterpiece you've made and enjoy a well-deserved rest.

Copyright 2001 Jacquie Sewell ( [email protected] ). Permission is granted to send this to others, but not for commercial purposes.

today'sTHOT============================

The best way to get ahead is to use the one you've got.

=======================================

 

 

[Joshua]

This is not really a humor, just a thought:

EVERYTHING I NEEDED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM A JIGSAW PUZZLE

By Jacquie Sewell (with apologies to Robert Fulghum)

1. Don't force a fit–if something is meant to be, it will come together naturally.

2. When things aren't going so well, take a break. Everything will look different when you return.

3. Be sure to look at the big picture. Getting hung up on the little pieces only leads to frustration.

4. Perseverance pays off. Every important puzzle went together bit by bit, piece by piece.

5. When one spot stops working, move to another. But be sure to come back later (see #4).

6. The creator of the puzzle gave you the picture as a guidebook. Refer to the Creator's guidebook often.

7. Variety is the spice of life. It's the different colors and patterns that make the puzzle interesting.

8. Working together with friends and family makes any task fun.

9. Establish the border first. Boundaries give a sense of security and order.

10. Don't be afraid to try different combinations. Some matches are surprising.

11. Take time often to celebrate your successes (even little ones).

12. Anything worth doing takes time and effort. A great puzzle can't be rushed.

13. When you finally reach the last piece, don't be sad. Rejoice in the masterpiece you've made and enjoy a well-deserved rest.

Copyright 2001 Jacquie Sewell ( [email protected] ). Permission is granted to send this to others, but not for commercial purposes.

today'sTHOT============================

The best way to get ahead is to use the one you've got.

=======================================

 

 

[Love'n Honey]

Joshua wrote:

Guys, word of advice, TAKE THE HINT!:

A couple's lawn mower was broken, and the wife kept hinting to her husband that he should get it repaired.  But the message never sunk in.  She finally thought of a way to make her point.

One day the husband arrived home to find her seated in the grass busily snipping away with a pair of scissors.  He watched silently for a short time, and then went into the house.

He returned a few moments later, handed her a toothbrush and said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the sidewalk."

The doctors say he should be able to walk again, but will always have the limp. 

 Funny!!

cómico 

[Love'n Honey]

Joshua wrote:

Guys, word of advice, TAKE THE HINT!:

A couple's lawn mower was broken, and the wife kept hinting to her husband that he should get it repaired.  But the message never sunk in.  She finally thought of a way to make her point.

One day the husband arrived home to find her seated in the grass busily snipping away with a pair of scissors.  He watched silently for a short time, and then went into the house.

He returned a few moments later, handed her a toothbrush and said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the sidewalk."

The doctors say he should be able to walk again, but will always have the limp. 

 Funny!!

cómico 

[Joshua]

This is funny:

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I just figured out how to simultaneously do one thing at a time.

[Joshua]

This is funny:

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<h5 class=”uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper” data-ft=”{"type":1,"tn":"K"}”>

I just figured out how to simultaneously do one thing at a time.

[Joshua]

I don't know how the

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 things got into my funny. Sorry about that.

[Joshua]

I don't know how the

<h5 class="uiStreamMessage userContentWrapper" data-ft="{"type":1,"tn":"K"}">

 

 things got into my funny. Sorry about that.

[Sarah2013]

Nice one!

[Sarah2013]

Nice one!

[Sarah2013]

Funny one.

[Sarah2013]

Funny one.