Let's put some humor in here!

  • Creator
    Topic
  • #7066
    Joshua
    Participant

    Budro dies and goes to Hell. He's sitting down there mildly content. Satan walks by, sees him and says, "What's with you?" He says, "This feels like a June day in Louisiana." Satan gets mad and goes over to the thermostate and turns it up. Later he comes by and Budro is smiling to himself. Satan goes, "What are you smiling about?" Budro says, "This feels like a July day down on the biyjou." Satan gets more angree and turns the thermostate up even higher. About a half hour later Satan walks by and Budro is kinda snickering now. He says, "It's hotter than Hell down here. What are you snickering about?" He says, "This feels like an August day down south." Satan goes over to the thermostate and reefs on it and breaks it. Things start getting cold, it starts icing up, eventually it starts snowing. Satan comes by and Budro is rolling with laughter on the ground, he's high fiving the demons, and generally causing a scene. Satan goes, "What's your problem. Before it was hotter than hell and now it's freezing. Why are you so excited?" He says, "Well obviously the Saints just won the Superbowl!"

     

    Add your humorous story here!

  • #18493

    Love'n Honey
    Participant

    Joshua wrote:

    A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

    "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.

    "No!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!" 

     I literally Lol'd

    #50805

    Love'n Honey
    Participant

    Joshua wrote:

    A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

    "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.

    "No!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!" 

     I literally Lol'd

    #18673

    Joshua
    Participant

    NUMBERS OF THE BEAST

    666 – The number of the beast

    667 – neighbor of the beast

    660 – Approximate number of the Beast

    DCLXVI – Roman numeral of the Beast

    666.0000 – Number of the High Precision Beast

    0.666666 – Number of the Millibeast

    / 666 – Beast Common Denominator

    666 ^ (-1) – Imaginary number of the Beast

    1010011010 – Binary of the Beast

    6, uh…what was that number again? – Number of the Blonde Beast

    1-666 – Area code of the Beast

    0666 – British area code of the Beast

    00666 – Zip code of the Beast

    $665.95 – Retail price of the Beast

    $699.25 – Price of the Beast plus 5% state sales tax

    $769.95 – Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul

    $656.66 – Walmart price of the Beast

    $646.66 – Next week's Wal-Mart price of the Beast

    Phillips 666 – Gasoline of the Beast

    Route 666 – Way of the Beast

    666 F – Oven temperature for roast Beast

    666k – Retirement plan of the Beast

    666 mg – Recommended Minimum Daily Requirement of Beast

    6.66% – 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast National Bank

    $666 – minimum deposit

    666% – Interest rate charged by Tony the Beast, local loan shark

    666iv – Local statute number regarding Beast parking

    "If 666 Was 999" – recently discovered Jimi Hendrix outtake

    DSM-666 (revised) – Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast

    Excel 6-6-6 – Spreadsheet of the Beast

    Word 6.66 – Word Processor of the Beast

    i66686 – CPU of the Beast

    Win666 –  Operating system of the Beast

    666i – BMW of the Beast

    today'sTHOT============================

    What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?

    A thesaurus. 

    #50806

    Joshua
    Participant

    NUMBERS OF THE BEAST

    666 – The number of the beast

    667 – neighbor of the beast

    660 – Approximate number of the Beast

    DCLXVI – Roman numeral of the Beast

    666.0000 – Number of the High Precision Beast

    0.666666 – Number of the Millibeast

    / 666 – Beast Common Denominator

    666 ^ (-1) – Imaginary number of the Beast

    1010011010 – Binary of the Beast

    6, uh…what was that number again? – Number of the Blonde Beast

    1-666 – Area code of the Beast

    0666 – British area code of the Beast

    00666 – Zip code of the Beast

    $665.95 – Retail price of the Beast

    $699.25 – Price of the Beast plus 5% state sales tax

    $769.95 – Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul

    $656.66 – Walmart price of the Beast

    $646.66 – Next week's Wal-Mart price of the Beast

    Phillips 666 – Gasoline of the Beast

    Route 666 – Way of the Beast

    666 F – Oven temperature for roast Beast

    666k – Retirement plan of the Beast

    666 mg – Recommended Minimum Daily Requirement of Beast

    6.66% – 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast National Bank

    $666 – minimum deposit

    666% – Interest rate charged by Tony the Beast, local loan shark

    666iv – Local statute number regarding Beast parking

    "If 666 Was 999" – recently discovered Jimi Hendrix outtake

    DSM-666 (revised) – Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast

    Excel 6-6-6 – Spreadsheet of the Beast

    Word 6.66 – Word Processor of the Beast

    i66686 – CPU of the Beast

    Win666 –  Operating system of the Beast

    666i – BMW of the Beast

    today'sTHOT============================

    What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?

    A thesaurus. 

    #18675

    Simon
    Participant

    lol

    #50807

    Simon
    Participant

    lol

    #18697

    Love'n Honey
    Participant

    666 pixels – screen resolution of Beast PC

    #50808

    Love'n Honey
    Participant

    666 pixels – screen resolution of Beast PC

    #50809

    Simon
    Participant

    that’s obscenely small

    #18698

    Simon
    Participant

    that’s obscenely small

    #50810

    Rahab
    Participant

    Hilarious!

    #18701

    Rahab
    Participant

    Hilarious!

    #18703

    Love'n Honey
    Participant

    Simon wrote:

    that's obscenely small

     That's what she said..

    #50811

    Love'n Honey
    Participant

    Simon wrote:

    that's obscenely small

     That's what she said..

    #50812

    Simon
    Participant

    ROFL

    #18705

    Simon
    Participant

    ROFL

    #18727

    Joshua
    Participant

    Get ready to fall out of your chair laughing:

    CHILDREARING Q&A

    Q. Should I have a baby after 35?

    A. No, 35 children is enough.

    Q. I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

    A. With any luck, right after he finishes college.

    Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?

    A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.

    Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?

    A.. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

    Q. What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?

    A. Childbirth.

    Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.

    A. So what's your question?

    Q. How long is the average woman in labor?

    A. Whatever she says divided by two.

    Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?

    A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

    Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?

    A. Right after you find out you're pregnant.

    Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?

    A. Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

    Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?

    A. Yes, pregnancy.

    Q. Does pregnancy cause headaches?

    A. Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.

    Q. Do I have to have a baby shower?

    A. Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

    Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?

    A. When the kids are in college 

    #50813

    Joshua
    Participant

    Get ready to fall out of your chair laughing:

    CHILDREARING Q&A

    Q. Should I have a baby after 35?

    A. No, 35 children is enough.

    Q. I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

    A. With any luck, right after he finishes college.

    Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?

    A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.

    Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?

    A.. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

    Q. What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?

    A. Childbirth.

    Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.

    A. So what's your question?

    Q. How long is the average woman in labor?

    A. Whatever she says divided by two.

    Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?

    A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

    Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?

    A. Right after you find out you're pregnant.

    Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?

    A. Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

    Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?

    A. Yes, pregnancy.

    Q. Does pregnancy cause headaches?

    A. Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.

    Q. Do I have to have a baby shower?

    A. Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

    Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?

    A. When the kids are in college 

    #18728

    Simon
    Participant

    lol

    #50814

    Simon
    Participant

    lol

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