- January 7, 2013 at 4:46 AM#7066
Budro dies and goes to Hell. He's sitting down there mildly content. Satan walks by, sees him and says, "What's with you?" He says, "This feels like a June day in Louisiana." Satan gets mad and goes over to the thermostate and turns it up. Later he comes by and Budro is smiling to himself. Satan goes, "What are you smiling about?" Budro says, "This feels like a July day down on the biyjou." Satan gets more angree and turns the thermostate up even higher. About a half hour later Satan walks by and Budro is kinda snickering now. He says, "It's hotter than Hell down here. What are you snickering about?" He says, "This feels like an August day down south." Satan goes over to the thermostate and reefs on it and breaks it. Things start getting cold, it starts icing up, eventually it starts snowing. Satan comes by and Budro is rolling with laughter on the ground, he's high fiving the demons, and generally causing a scene. Satan goes, "What's your problem. Before it was hotter than hell and now it's freezing. Why are you so excited?" He says, "Well obviously the Saints just won the Superbowl!"
Add your humorous story here!
- May 28, 2015 at 11:20 PM #50992
Not so much a joke but a relevant riddle:
What is greater than God – and more evil than the devil? The poor have it. The rich need it. And if you eat it you will die?May 28, 2015 at 11:21 PM #50993
Nothing!May 29, 2015 at 8:36 AM #50994
Iz good wan, yes… :>
Here's my joke:
Ahn Sahng-Hong walks into a bar… oh, wait. He can't. Cuz he's dead.May 29, 2015 at 8:37 AM #50995
Salvation is no joke, wms brothers and sisters, don't put it in a dead guy's hands!
Jesus reigns.June 2, 2015 at 1:35 AM #50996
A young man recently graduated from college. He was in his doctors office explaining this to his doctor:
Young Man: Doc, when I stand on a babies highchair facing southwest and I touch my toung with a piece of aluminum foil wrapped around an accorn I get a tingling feeling in my big toe! Can you tell me what's wrong with me?
Doctor: I sure can! You have too much free time on your hands!June 18, 2015 at 1:06 AM #50997
Political Correctness For Kids
Your bedroom isn't cluttered; it's "passage-restrictive."
Kids don't get in trouble anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps."
You're not having a bad hair day; you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome."
No one's tall anymore. They're "vertically enhanced."
You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective."
You don't talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal."
It's not called gossip anymore. It's "transmission of near-factual information."
The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's "digestively challenged."
Your homework isn't missing; it's just having an "out-of-notebook experience."
You're not sleeping in class; you're "rationing consciousness."
You don't have smelly gym socks; you have "odor-retentive athletic footwear."
You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations."
You're not being sent to the principal's office. You're "going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building.June 28, 2015 at 2:55 PM #50998
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Auburn."June 28, 2015 at 2:57 PM #50999
Ten things I know about you
1 You are reading this
2 You are human
3 You can't say the letter 'P' without separating your lips
4 You just attempted to do it
6 You are laughing at yourself
7 You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5
8 You just checked to see if there is a No. 5
9 You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person and everyone does it too
10 You are probably going to share this just to see who else falls for it.June 28, 2015 at 2:59 PM #51000
TOP TEN CHRISTIAN PICK-UP LINES
11. "Hi there. Let me introduce myself…I’m Will…God’s Will."
10. "I just don't feel called to celibacy."
9. "Did I tell you that my great-uncle was a personal friend of Billy Graham?"
8. "I don't see it myself, but people tell me I look like Michael W. Smith."
7. "What do you think Paul meant when he said, 'Greet everyone with a holy kiss'?"
6. "You have the body of Amy Grant and the soul of Mother Teresa." (DO NOT get this confused!)
5. "You know, I'm really into relationship evangelism."
4. "I'm pretty flexible–I don't think a woman should be submissive on the first date."
3. "Before tonight, I never believed in predestination…"
2. "Just looking at you makes me feel all ecumenical."
1. "I hear there's going to be a love offering tonight."
TOP 10 LINES CHRISTIAN WOMEN USE TO BREAK-UP
10. "I'm sorry, I've found someone more spiritual."
9. "I'm sorry, it's just not God's will."
8. "I feel called to the ministry…very soon and very far from you as soon as possible."
7. "I'm sorry, it could never work. I'm a sanguine and you're a phlegmatic."
6. "God loves me and must have a better plan for my life."
5. "You know, I feel like I'm dating my brother."
4. "At least I got a lot out of our Bible studies together."
3. "You need someone with lower standards."
2. "I think we should just be prayer partners."
1. "I do love you, but it's just agape now."August 16, 2015 at 7:58 AM #51001
Funny….August 18, 2015 at 6:19 PM #51002
This is a funny video from HBO that was just posted on youtube. John Oliver shows how easy it is to start a church. It's pretty funny and light hearted, but makes you think at the same time.August 18, 2015 at 11:28 PM #51003
Lol that video from John Oliver just made my day, so funny and true… it just makes me think and see that this is the reason more and more people everyday decided to become atheist, it's sad because many people take advantage on the faith of others, I live in the USA and recently had the chance to travel back to my country in South America which I haven't been for about 3 years and I was amazed to see how many house churches and religious groups have developed over the years… It's also sad the the one thing we could have here in America thru the Constitution.. freedom of speech and freedom of religion is taking advantage of by people who are just plain greedy… so sad…
Ephesians 4 – 13
13This will continue until we all come to such unity in our faith and knowledge of God’s Son that we will be mature in the Lord, measuring up to the full and complete standard of Christ.
14Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth. 15Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.16He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.August 19, 2015 at 3:45 PM #51004
That video is really hilarious, but so true as well.September 8, 2015 at 2:13 AM #51005
If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.
The game of golf is 90% mental and 10% mental.
Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.
When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.
Any change works for a maximum of three holes . . . or at a minimum of not at all.
No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.
Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.
When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.
If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.
The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.
The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other errors.
If it ain't broke, try changing your grip.
Golfers who claim they don't cheat also lie.
Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.
A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents luck.
It is surprisingly easy to hole a fifty foot putt ……for an 8.
Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.
Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.
It's not a gimme if your still away.
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.
There are two kinds of bounces; unfair bounces and bounces just the way you meant to play it.
You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a two-inch branch 90% of the time.
Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
If you want to hit a 7 iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard.
To calculate the speed of a players downswing, multiply the speed of his backswing by his handicap; i.e. backswing 20mph, handicap 15, downswing = 600mph.
There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one in wearing the glove.
Hazards attract, fairways repel.
You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade" on the ball, but no golfer can put "straight" on the ball.
A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.
Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.September 8, 2015 at 2:14 AM #51006
I have become a little older since I saw you last, and a few changes have come into my life since then. Frankly, I have become a frivolous old gal. I am seeing five gentlemen everyday. As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me get out of bed. Then I go to see John. Then Charlie Horse comes along, and when he is here he takes a lot of my time and attention. When he leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up and stays the rest of the day. He doesn't like to stay in one place very long, so he takes me from joint to joint. After such a busy day, I'm really tired and glad to go to bed with Ben*** What a life.
GrandmaSeptember 8, 2015 at 2:16 AM #51007
THE PERFECT PASTOR
A recent survey compiled all the qualities that people expect from the perfect pastor:
~ Preaches exactly 12 minutes.
~ Frequently condemns sin but never upsets anyone.
~ Works from 8 a.m. until midnight and is also a janitor.
~ Makes $60 a week, wears good clothes, buys good books, drives a good car, and gives about $80 a week to the poor.
~ 28 years of age and has been preaching for 30 years.
~ Wonderfully gentle and good-looking.
~ A burning desire to work with teenagers, but is always with the senior citizens.
~ Makes 15 daily calls to church families, visits shut-ins and the hospitalized, evangelizes the unchurched, and is always in the office when needed.September 8, 2015 at 2:19 AM #51008
Even Pastors can be wrong! Enjoy.
So it seems that these four ministers had a series of theological arguments, and three were always in accord against the fourth. One day, the odd pastor out, after the usual "3 to 1, majority rules" statement that signified that he had lost again, decided to appeal to a higher authority.
"Oh, Lord!" he cried. "I know in my heart that I am right and they are wrong! Please give me a sign to prove it to them!"
It was a beautiful, sunny day. As soon as the minister finished his prayer, a storm cloud moved across the sky above the four. It rumbled once and dissolved. "A sign from God! See, I'm right, I knew it!" But the other three disagreed, pointing out that storm clouds form on hot days.
So the pastor prayed again: "Oh, God, I need a bigger sign to show that I am right and they are wrong. So please, Lord, a bigger sign!"
This time four storm clouds appeared, rushed toward each other to form one big cloud, and a bolt of lightning slammed into a tree on a nearby hill.
"I told you I was right!" cried the minister, but his friends insisted that nothing had happened that could not be explained by natural causes.
The Pastor was getting ready to ask for a *very big* sign, but just as he said, "Oh God…," the sky turned pitch black, the earth shook, and a deep, booming voice intoned, "HEEEEEEEE'S RIIIIIIIGHT!"
The minister put his hands on his hips, turned to the other three, and said, "Well?!"
"So," shrugged one of the other pastors, "now it's 3 to 2."September 8, 2015 at 2:22 AM #51009
You wanted more humor and I have delivered. Your turn folks!September 8, 2015 at 7:13 PM #51010
That reminds me of the TalmudSeptember 9, 2015 at 2:15 AM #51011
I can see how it might!
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