[Joshua]

Budro dies and goes to Hell. He's sitting down there mildly content. Satan walks by, sees him and says, "What's with you?" He says, "This feels like a June day in Louisiana." Satan gets mad and goes over to the thermostate and turns it up. Later he comes by and Budro is smiling to himself. Satan goes, "What are you smiling about?" Budro says, "This feels like a July day down on the biyjou." Satan gets more angree and turns the thermostate up even higher. About a half hour later Satan walks by and Budro is kinda snickering now. He says, "It's hotter than Hell down here. What are you snickering about?" He says, "This feels like an August day down south." Satan goes over to the thermostate and reefs on it and breaks it. Things start getting cold, it starts icing up, eventually it starts snowing. Satan comes by and Budro is rolling with laughter on the ground, he's high fiving the demons, and generally causing a scene. Satan goes, "What's your problem. Before it was hotter than hell and now it's freezing. Why are you so excited?" He says, "Well obviously the Saints just won the Superbowl!"

 

Add your humorous story here!

[Joshua]

[Joshua]

Yep, two in a row today, enjoy: 

 

 

Pierced Ears

 

The students in my third-grade class were bombarding me with questions about my newly pierced ears.

"Does the hole go all the way through?" "Yes."

"Did it hurt?" "Just a little."

"Did they stick a needle through your ears?" "No, they used a special gun."

Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out, "How far away did they stand?" 

 

 

[Joshua]

Yep, two in a row today, enjoy: 

 

 

Pierced Ears

 

The students in my third-grade class were bombarding me with questions about my newly pierced ears.

"Does the hole go all the way through?" "Yes."

"Did it hurt?" "Just a little."

"Did they stick a needle through your ears?" "No, they used a special gun."

Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out, "How far away did they stand?" 

 

 

[Joshua]

Ok, it's Monday and I'm right back at it. Feel free to add to this post (a lot I hope) with your own humorous jokes and stories:

 

US President Woodrow Wilson's father was a minister. Rather tall and thin, Wilson Sr. made quite a contrast to his horse, which was well-built.

One day with horse and buggy and young Woodrow along, the minister was asked by a parishioner, "Reverend, how is it that you're so thin and gaunt while your horse is so big and sleek?"

Before he could reply, young Woodrow exclaimed, "Probably because my father feeds the horse and the congregation feeds my father!"

[forwarded by Gretchen Patti]

today'sTHOT============================

If stupidity got us into this mess, why can't it get us out? 

[Joshua]

Ok, it's Monday and I'm right back at it. Feel free to add to this post (a lot I hope) with your own humorous jokes and stories:

 

US President Woodrow Wilson's father was a minister. Rather tall and thin, Wilson Sr. made quite a contrast to his horse, which was well-built.

One day with horse and buggy and young Woodrow along, the minister was asked by a parishioner, "Reverend, how is it that you're so thin and gaunt while your horse is so big and sleek?"

Before he could reply, young Woodrow exclaimed, "Probably because my father feeds the horse and the congregation feeds my father!"

[forwarded by Gretchen Patti]

today'sTHOT============================

If stupidity got us into this mess, why can't it get us out? 

[Joshua]

A Washington farmer and a Texas rancher were talking. The conversation went like this:

Rancher: If I get into my pickup and start driving right when the sun comes up, by the time the sun sets I'll be about half way across my land.

Farmer thinks about this for a minute and says, "Yep, I used to have a truck like that!" 

[Joshua]

A Washington farmer and a Texas rancher were talking. The conversation went like this:

Rancher: If I get into my pickup and start driving right when the sun comes up, by the time the sun sets I'll be about half way across my land.

Farmer thinks about this for a minute and says, "Yep, I used to have a truck like that!" 

[Joshua]

PRAYERS FROM CHILDREN

Part 1

Dear God, please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing good in there now.  

Amanda

Dear God, thank you for the baby brother but what I asked for was a puppy. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up.  

Joyce

Dear Mr. God, I wish you would not make it so easy for people to come apart I had to have 3 stitches and a shot.  

Janet

God, I read the Bible. What does beget mean? Nobody will tell me.

Love Alison

Dear God, how did you know you were God? Who told you?  

Charlene

Dear God, is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his golf words in the house?  

Anita

Dear God,

I bet it's very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it.  

Nancy

Dear God, I like the story about Noah the best of all of them. You really made up some good ones. I like walking on water, too.  

Glenn

Dear God, my grandpa says you were around when he was a little boy. How far back do you go?  

Love, Dennis

Dear God, do you draw the lines around the countries? If you don't, who does?  

Nathan 

[Joshua]

PRAYERS FROM CHILDREN

Part 1

Dear God, please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing good in there now.  

Amanda

Dear God, thank you for the baby brother but what I asked for was a puppy. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up.  

Joyce

Dear Mr. God, I wish you would not make it so easy for people to come apart I had to have 3 stitches and a shot.  

Janet

God, I read the Bible. What does beget mean? Nobody will tell me.

Love Alison

Dear God, how did you know you were God? Who told you?  

Charlene

Dear God, is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his golf words in the house?  

Anita

Dear God,

I bet it's very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it.  

Nancy

Dear God, I like the story about Noah the best of all of them. You really made up some good ones. I like walking on water, too.  

Glenn

Dear God, my grandpa says you were around when he was a little boy. How far back do you go?  

Love, Dennis

Dear God, do you draw the lines around the countries? If you don't, who does?  

Nathan 

[Joshua]

My mother in law sometime provides me with some of the best humor. Here's her take on the snowy weather and why it is happening:

 

As usual, I've been vaguely following the news stories that are written up such that  you'd think snow had never happened before, and certainly not in the northwestern states.  How could such a thing happen?  Chaos theory: it was caused by a particular untraceable bacillus that grows on the stored hay in Tibet and Nepal, and its only effect is to make hay-fed yaks fart.  That's what caused this weather pattern.  I'm waiting to be disproved .

 

I wish I could make this up but some things need no further embellishment in order to be funny.

[Joshua]

My mother in law sometime provides me with some of the best humor. Here's her take on the snowy weather and why it is happening:

 

As usual, I've been vaguely following the news stories that are written up such that  you'd think snow had never happened before, and certainly not in the northwestern states.  How could such a thing happen?  Chaos theory: it was caused by a particular untraceable bacillus that grows on the stored hay in Tibet and Nepal, and its only effect is to make hay-fed yaks fart.  That's what caused this weather pattern.  I'm waiting to be disproved .

 

I wish I could make this up but some things need no further embellishment in order to be funny.

[Sarah2013]

I’m trying to get it.

[Sarah2013]

I’m trying to get it.

[Joshua]

Governmental Logic:

A man stopped at a local gas station and after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink.

He stood by his car to drink his cola and watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind him and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was 25 feet behind filling in the hole. The men worked right past the guy with the soft drink and went on down the road.

"I can't stand this," said the man tossing the can into a recycle container and heading down the road toward the men. "Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with all this digging and refilling?"

"Well, we work for the government and we're just doing our job," one of the men said.

"But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the taxpayers' money?"

"You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us: me, Greg and Matt. I dig the hole, Greg sticks in the tree, and Matt here puts the dirt back. Greg's job's been cut so now it's just me an' Matt." 

[Joshua]

Governmental Logic:

A man stopped at a local gas station and after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink.

He stood by his car to drink his cola and watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind him and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was 25 feet behind filling in the hole. The men worked right past the guy with the soft drink and went on down the road.

"I can't stand this," said the man tossing the can into a recycle container and heading down the road toward the men. "Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with all this digging and refilling?"

"Well, we work for the government and we're just doing our job," one of the men said.

"But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the taxpayers' money?"

"You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us: me, Greg and Matt. I dig the hole, Greg sticks in the tree, and Matt here puts the dirt back. Greg's job's been cut so now it's just me an' Matt." 

[Sarah2013]

Nice one!

[Sarah2013]

Nice one!

[Sarah2013]

Nice one.

[Sarah2013]

Nice one.

[Simon]

I wonder if Sarah likes your joke Joshua lol

[Simon]

I wonder if Sarah likes your joke Joshua lol