- Topic
So me and my fiancé recently broke our engagement (approximately 4 days ago), and I’ve been a member on this site for a few months now. He had joined the church back in early July, and since I feel he’s lost his ability to rationally make decisions, and even think straight at points. He gave me the ultimatum to leave school, move down, and get married or we are done. When I ask him of his plans for the years to come if we are married; he doesn’t have anything concrete because he mostly believes the world is ending or WW3 will start soon.
There are many other factors that lead to this break of engagement; long distance, college, and military. Our relationship got so bad from the exacerbation of these factors, by his church, that he called me an antichrist, unclean animal, and spiritually dead under the guise that the bible said I was these things. He is only in service for two more years and doesn’t know what he’s doing after… This is a big red flag for me because I’m still getting my education at a very great university, and can’t just leave without my degree because it’s so expensive. And I stress to him how important it is for me to complete my degree where I am, and not at a community college where he is. But there is no compromise.
For a long time I was worried what this church is doing and continues to do to him. I tried to be his only connection to the “real world,” but now he’s completely enthralled with the church. I still love him and care about him so much. How do you guys deal with this, trying to get a loved one out of the church without destroying the relationship? It may be too late for me, but I'm eager to hear your experiences.
Lyssa, I really feel for you. My girl is in this "church", and I can tell you first-hand that having a relationship with a member is quite difficult. Because of the us versus the world mentality that's pushed so strongly on these poor folks in regards to faith ANYTHING that contradicts their doctrine is labeled, as you were; an antichrist, spiritually dead, unclean. There's an article on either this site or the Encountering ASH blogspot that sums it up really well, where the author says that the anger they show to us is really their anger towards Satan. They convince these people completely, not that you're actually the devil but that the devil is working through you to lead them away from salvation. Try to think how fiercely you'd defend that if you actually believed it.
You asked how to deal with trying to get a loved one out of the church without destroying the relationship. I honestly don't know. She's going for sabbath service today, probably all day even though she said she wants to jet early. I told her I'd never tell her to leave or give an ultimatum. I honestly think she'd choose the church over me. What I have done is given her a few pieces of information, gave her those two web addresses, told her I think she's being lied to, and shared my beliefs on religion in general. I don't think there's much more I can do than that.
When someone thinks the way they do, that anything outside of the highlighter is just Satan trying to trick them, it's really tough to free their mind. It's fear. Church leadership uses fear and guilt as tools to make someone terrified to leave or even have a different viewpoint. Watch about a minute of one of their 'saved from disaster' videos and you'll see what I mean. You can read about it all you want, but when you see what they are shown it really becomes apparent that you're dealing with someone under modern day mind control.
lyssa if your fiance is a strong man, he will get his sense back soon, at first the wmscog teachings do can impress people but usually along with time after all the "secrets" been told, they will start to show their true colour and most people that still have sense will walk out.
for relastionship yes i know for a fact that the church top break relation EVEN among their own members, usually its when they think one can be completely brainwashed to be one of their drones while the other is a "risky" member or "fruitless" (people who still have their will and stubborn that they think will never really fall into their doctrines and people who dont "sacrifice" that much for the mama god)
I lost one of my friends who was baptized into the COG. I doubt it was because of the church because our relationship was failing anyway. But my good friend who still goes (the one I was baptized with) and we’re in good communication with eachother. I share with her things that contradict what the church teaches.
I made up my mind to only share with her one fact. If she has any questions then I would tell her more. If not then I would let it go. Because I don’t want to lose her as a friend I don’t bombard her with the real truth. Our loved ones aren’t choosing the church over us. They are choosing their salvation. They believe they have found the way to receive salvation. Because they understand how important it is to be saved they will go to great lengths to secure it. I know I would do the same for my daughter if it meant she could live life a while longer.
I hope he doesn’t marry a korean..
One thing I really want to share.
My branch (the person who brought me to the church) is a lesbian turned straight. I saw this guy one sabbath who attended service and immediately thought to myself, whoa! He is flaming gay! Quickly I wondered what he was doing in the church. Unfortunately I was raised a certain way concerning gays. But that’s another subject. The 2, the lesbian and gay guy, got married and announced shortly after that they were expecting a baby. I couldn’t believe it and still don’t. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone in the church pushed the marraige to prove a point. I wonder what they’re up to now..
There are so many odd relationships in zion. “Gays” and “lesbians” go together. Americans and koreans who don’t speak any english are married. Many, many divorces!
For appearances? What does that mean?
Hal wrote:
renita.payno wrote:
For appearances? What does that mean?
Basically get married to keep family members happy but ultimately live a double life where they still have their own relationships with other people.
I believe this is called a "beard" in the gay community. A girl I used to date had a gay uncle, and he kept a "girlfriend" on the side to keep their grandmother happy. I guess it's not uncommon.
I can't imagine what it will be like when those people who you guys are talking about finally wake up and realize they've been duped for x amount of years in this "church". Just terrible.
Wow.. see, I never believed they were truly straight. The lesbian tried sooo hard to be soft and caring like a woman and the guy tried even harder not to be flamboyant. It just looked weird and unnatural. Though lesbianism and gayness are argueably unnatural, it came natural to them. I definitely think they married for appearances.
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