- Topic
My child has been in the WMSCOG for almost 2 years. During that time he/she has missed important milestones in the lives of his/her siblings. At this point, the siblings really don't want to have anything to do with him/her because they are hurt; they are not important in this person's life. We as parents of course still love our child but we too have been hurt by their behavior and failure to listen to anything we try to tell them about WMSCOG. It is sad, but we have pretty much given up at this point. If he/she ever comes out, I don't know if we will be able to repair the damage that has been done to both our child and the family relationships.
I was wondering for the ex-members – what has been your experience when you leave WMSCOG? Have you had to try and repair relationships? Has their been permanent damage? How does your family feel about you now? Thanks!
Have you had to try and repair relationships?
Technically, yes. When I left the cult, anyone who stuck by me until I left was waiting for me when I made my decision. There were people who walked away to just let me be. I didn't try to change that once I finally left. I felt that if you honestly cared about me, you wouldn't have left me to die. As non-members we have to understand that those who are in are not of their right minds. After I learned and accepted that I was essentially brainwashed, I couldn't imagine taking what the other members say/do too seriously. There was one person who left me in the church. I reached out to her so much while I was a member but she just ignored me. When I left, I tried to re-kindle our relationship but it didn't work out. She said I changed. Well… DUH! Lol. Had she stuck it out like my mom, grandmother, etc. she would have understood that there were going to be differences. Our rekindled friendship didn't last very long. After maybe a few months, I gave her an ultimatum and she walked away.. again. It makes me sad. I wept about it last Thursday, in fact. I miss her. But, IMNSHO, I think those who walk away or don't engage during the entire storm will not be able to handle the calm. Things don't just go back to "normal". I'm a very black and white kind of person.. My advice would be to stick it out. Because when s/he finally exits, s/he'll be another new person. Encoutering this new "new" person all at once will be just as difficult as dealing with the original "new" person.
Has there been permanent damage?
I'm going to have to admit that, yes, there is damage. I don't know if it's permanent though. However, it's definitely long lasting. 2 major issues I've been trying to overcome are trust and anxiety around Koreans. When people tell me something, almost anything, I go look it up or ask someone whom I believe to be totally independent of any affiliation with the original source about what I was told. I'm skeptical of everything. I researched stuff before I was a member. I had a study about Sunday services. The following Sunday I went to my previous church and asked my "liason" why most churches have their services on Sunday. She didn't answer me. That was my research. I thought, surely she would know. She has a high rank in the church and has been going to church for a very long time.. but she didn't. So I came to trust the cult. I trusted them with my daughter, my money, my salvation, everything. It was all a big scam. I "trust" people from time to time. I don't believe them but I accept what they say as truth, if that makes sense. I want to change that. I don't want to accept them but truly believe them.
I moved to, what I like to call, Korea Town. Lol. I'm surrounded by them! I didn't know this place was so saturated with Koreans when I first moved. Every five feet there's a Korean church, store, or restaurant. Everytime, and I mean this literally, I walk by a Korean I get anxious. When I see a Korean in a suit my heart rate escalates and I feel genuinely scared. I enrolled my daughter in Tae Kwon Do (a Korean class of discipline) and wanted to cry. The class is good for her and she had been saying she wanted to do something like that for a while. But there are Koreans in there! I almost have a phobia now. My anxiety with them, the Koreans in the TKD class, is getting better. I can go inside and not feel like running away. I still get very nervous talking to the Master, though.
Sorry for the novel.. but I don't think these things are permanent. At least I hope they aren't.
How does your family feel about you now?
You know.. I honestly don't know. They're good at pretending bad things never happened. They have recognized that I'm a different person but haven't said anything as far as how they felt about me being a member compared to how they feel about me coming out. I would have to ask. At this point, I don't know if it's right or ok to ask. I mean.. I've out for almost 2 years now. I'm very curious now that I think about it.. I know my mom once said she felt like she was walking on egg shells when she's dealing with me. I wonder if she still feels that way.
@Renita – Thanks for some very good sharing.
Ms Freedom wrote:
My child has been in the WMSCOG for almost 2 years. During that time he/she has missed important milestones in the lives of his/her siblings. At this point, the siblings really don't want to have anything to do with him/her because they are hurt; they are not important in this person's life. We as parents of course still love our child but we too have been hurt by their behavior and failure to listen to anything we try to tell them about WMSCOG. It is sad, but we have pretty much given up at this point. If he/she ever comes out, I don't know if we will be able to repair the damage that has been done to both our child and the family relationships.
I was wondering for the ex-members – what has been your experience when you leave WMSCOG? Have you had to try and repair relationships? Has their been permanent damage? How does your family feel about you now? Thanks!
Remember the prodigal son. Upon your loved ones return he or she is going to be so ashamed and sorry for what was done that it would be even worse on your end not to welcome him/her home. Revel in your victory when it comes to p/a/s/s and remember this post. Your loved one is coming home. When things settle of course you give him or her a few "We told you so's" and then you lay it on the line like this; We love you with our heart, soul, and mind, all of us do, but if you ever put us through any thing like this ever again, (you know the rest)…Remember, your loved one is coming home. It is not his or her fault. Best of luck from all the gang at headquarters.
Jesus of Nazareth wrote:
Ms Freedom wrote:
My child has been in the WMSCOG for almost 2 years. During that time he/she has missed important milestones in the lives of his/her siblings. At this point, the siblings really don't want to have anything to do with him/her because they are hurt; they are not important in this person's life. We as parents of course still love our child but we too have been hurt by their behavior and failure to listen to anything we try to tell them about WMSCOG. It is sad, but we have pretty much given up at this point. If he/she ever comes out, I don't know if we will be able to repair the damage that has been done to both our child and the family relationships.
I was wondering for the ex-members – what has been your experience when you leave WMSCOG? Have you had to try and repair relationships? Has their been permanent damage? How does your family feel about you now? Thanks!
Remember the prodigal son. Upon your loved ones return he or she is going to be so ashamed and sorry for what was done that it would be even worse on your end not to welcome him/her home. Revel in your victory when it comes to p/a/s/s and remember this post. Your loved one is coming home. When things settle of course you give him or her a few "We told you so's" and then you lay it on the line like this; We love you with our heart, soul, and mind, all of us do, but if you ever put us through any thing like this ever again, (you know the rest)…Remember, your loved one is coming home. It is not his or her fault. Best of luck from all the gang at headquarters.
Well said Jesus.
If you think you can always repair the damage, you are a fool…
์กฐ๋ wrote:
If you think you can always repair the damage, you are a fool…
True. But don't let that stop you from at least trying. The context of you in general.
Ms Freedom wrote:
L n H – Did you feel ashamed? In an older post, you said it made you mad when your mom would call it a cult. Did you apologize after you left and realized she was right?
Nope. No apology made. I'm not going to apologize for my feelings. It did make me mad and I was entitled to be upset. Then I educated myself on the actual meaning of "cult" and come to find out.. I belong to plenty of cults. All churches, clubs, work places, etc. classify as cults. Of course, I understood what my mom meant by calling it a cult (destructive cult). Anyway, I highly encourage people to not apologize for their emotions. If that's the way you feel then that's the way you feel. The only thing you should apologize for is what you did unintentionally. [I remember when I was a kid I slapped a girl in my class. The teacher told me to say sorry. I said: I'll apologize but that doesn't mean I mean it. Also, during my intervention in the WMSCOG, Sister Mayra said I hurt her feelings and I should apologize. I said I meant what I said the way I said it and the way you received it. What's there to apologize for?? I'm sorry for hurting your feelings on purpose…. Lol! That makes no sense to me. Anyway, back to the discussion.]
I'm more ashamed of the pimples on my face than of defending the WMSCOG. Lol. Today, I'm not embarrassed for things I said or did. If I were I wouldn't be so open about it to the whole world. Lol. I actually like going back and reading my posts from when I was a member. I think it's funny. I've always been the kind of person that's difficult to embarrass.
@LnH: Tru dat. You are a very open and uninhibited person, and not likely to be embarrassed or apologetic. That's what I've seen over the time I've been on this forum, anyway. Your time in the wmscog may have affected you, but you don't seem scarred by it. You have reacted in a positive way to what happened as a result of your involvement, and I applaud that. You have tried to help others, and you have.
Everybody's situation is different. Ms. Freedom's is, and what she is going through is different. From the parent standpoint, it has a different kind of pain. Very difficult to explain how much you miss that kid and the closeness you had, and aren't sure you will ever recover. Things will change, even if they come out. Some things you can recover from, but some will never be the same. It's sad. But I think that the less time a person is in there, the better the outcome. We have to keep trying. You are so right about that.
LnH: I have had to walk on egg shells for almost five years now with my son. Ask your mom sometime how it felt. Not so you feel bad, I don't want you to feel bad in any way. But so you can really understand how it was for her. She will appreciate it so much.
Yea, I'll ask her when I see her. I honestly believe that some conversations are best had in person. I know it's different when you're the parent watching your child suffer. Anaya was in the hospital for having pulled her elbow out of socket. She cried in pain and I wept for her. I could hardly stand to see her be subjected to that kind of hurt so I can only imagine how you guys feel to see your children being taken advantage of for years.
Oh my gosh, what happened? Poor little thing!
That happened to my daughter twice when she was little. Seems like that joint is susceptible.
MountainMom wrote:
That happened to my daughter twice when she was little. Seems like that joint is susceptible.
Yea, I thought the hospital was going to call CPS on me. Lol. We were there 3 times in just one year for that elbow. But the nurse told me it's called Nursemaid's Elbow. You know how little kids throw a fit and just go limp, right? Well, when they do that while you're holding their hand all the weight is being supported by their elbow. This is common amongst toddlers and this happened years ago. She's fine now. We just don't play ring around the rosey or games where you have to pull her arms. The doctor said when she gets older and her bones develope we won't have to be so cautious.
Love'n Honey wrote:
Ms Freedom wrote:
L n H – Did you feel ashamed? In an older post, you said it made you mad when your mom would call it a cult. Did you apologize after you left and realized she was right?
Nope. No apology made. I'm not going to apologize for my feelings. It did make me mad and I was entitled to be upset. Then I educated myself on the actual meaning of "cult" and come to find out.. I belong to plenty of cults. All churches, clubs, work places, etc. classify as cults. Of course, I understood what my mom meant by calling it a cult (destructive cult). Anyway, I highly encourage people to not apologize for their emotions. If that's the way you feel then that's the way you feel. The only thing you should apologize for is what you did unintentionally. [I remember when I was a kid I slapped a girl in my class. The teacher told me to say sorry. I said: I'll apologize but that doesn't mean I mean it. Also, during my intervention in the WMSCOG, Sister Mayra said I hurt her feelings and I should apologize. I said I meant what I said the way I said it and the way you received it. What's there to apologize for?? I'm sorry for hurting your feelings on purpose…. Lol! That makes no sense to me. Anyway, back to the discussion.]
I'm more ashamed of the pimples on my face than of defending the WMSCOG. Lol. Today, I'm not embarrassed for things I said or did. If I were I wouldn't be so open about it to the whole world. Lol. I actually like going back and reading my posts from when I was a member. I think it's funny. I've always been the kind of person that's difficult to embarrass.
You sound very much like a self-righteous bit.ch. Good on ya! ๐
Either that or the guilt is too much for you.
์กฐ๋ wrote:
Love'n Honey wrote:
Nope. No apology made. I'm not going to apologize for my feelings. It did make me mad and I was entitled to be upset. Then I educated myself on the actual meaning of "cult" and come to find out.. I belong to plenty of cults. All churches, clubs, work places, etc. classify as cults. Of course, I understood what my mom meant by calling it a cult (destructive cult). Anyway, I highly encourage people to not apologize for their emotions. If that's the way you feel then that's the way you feel. The only thing you should apologize for is what you did unintentionally. [I remember when I was a kid I slapped a girl in my class. The teacher told me to say sorry. I said: I'll apologize but that doesn't mean I mean it. Also, during my intervention in the WMSCOG, Sister Mayra said I hurt her feelings and I should apologize. I said I meant what I said the way I said it and the way you received it. What's there to apologize for?? I'm sorry for hurting your feelings on purpose…. Lol! That makes no sense to me. Anyway, back to the discussion.]
I'm more ashamed of the pimples on my face than of defending the WMSCOG. Lol. Today, I'm not embarrassed for things I said or did. If I were I wouldn't be so open about it to the whole world. Lol. I actually like going back and reading my posts from when I was a member. I think it's funny. I've always been the kind of person that's difficult to embarrass.
You sound very much like a self-righteous bit.ch. Good on ya! ๐
Either that or the guilt is too much for you.
Thank you! =)
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