[LambofGod]

 Hello.  I've been following the site/forum for over a year now.  Every time I'd start to create an account I'd back out simply in respect for my family.  They are still heavily involved with the WMSCOG.  Crazy I used to think I could just tolerate them being a part of the church while I stood on the sidelines so to speak.   You know they say hindsight is 20/20, but looking back on when I left the church I was only thinking about myself.  I was so high strung, repressed, caged, etc etc…that I needed to get out.   I honestly thought it would be no problem for us to be divided when it came to spirituality/religion.  See at that time I didn't look at the WMSCOG as a "cult".  I had my problems with the bible and simply all other religions in regards to myself.   I didn't have an issue with "other people" going to church, including my family.  Looking back on it…I was like "hey it's making them happy and feeling like they're serving a noble cause".  Which again at the time I respected.  Being in the service I value that concept and back then I looked at the two as one in the same.  I didn't start to see the fallacies/cult like behavior until a few years later.  In hindsight…I feel that if I would've challenged them and the church in the dialogue I'm equipped with now, things may have been different.  Or may not.  Who knows right?  I now have a divided home.  More so than ever before.  Divorce is certainly going to be the outcome in the following year.  It's taking me some time to be able to handle that potential reality.  I've also been diagnosed with a form of PTSD.  It's labeled Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  It's a different dynamic than say, what service members go through in combat.  The symptoms and the side effects are similar if not mirror imaged at times.  Suicidal ideations, high risk behavior, substance abuse, lashing out, hostility, feelings of hopelessness,  etc etc.  At first I thought it was bull sh*t.  I used to repress everything that had anything to do with the church.  Family, friends, work….I'm sure you all know and have been there.    I'm feeling better and have sought out treatment and therapy.  Every time I tell my story to someone new, the expression is always the same.  Shock and disbelief. 

I'm going to end this for now.  I didn't plan on sharing this much.  It just seemed to flow though. 

Thanks for listening.