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If you’re relatively new
1. Eat all the food
2. Leave the lights on everywhere
3. Mess with the thermostat
4. Bring really ghetto people to Bible studies
If you’ve been in for a few years
1. Say your coming preaching but take almost forever to meet
2. Get into arguments with people while preaching.
3. Give very long fragrances (a fragrance is pretty much a “spiritual” realization you had about service, or a video, or some other nonsense.
If you’re relatively old
1. Rebuke younger members while preaching.
2. Make fun of member’s insecurities.
3. Fall asleep when a young member is preaching a sermon.
There are some things I used to do on purpose while a member.
I wouldnt laugh at the Overseers offensive jokes.
I would leave when the Overseer would rebuke people.
I would tell new Brothers it was Ok to do things the WMS felt was wrong; Keeping hair long, having a a nice car, etc
The funniest thing i just heard from my decon Thomas and his wife is that the deconess who has sacrificed their children to the Wmscog by making them get married to a Korean is borowing money from people to buy a apart ment in Mumbai.The decon who is the right hand of the pastor told me the pastor knows about it but he is quite. The other good thing to do is if you are going preaching just pass your time roaming on the streets also pretend to preach in church and keep a tab on the pastors movements and how his wife is counting money behind close doors Its also nice to see how loving they are to the children in front of the parents and how they ill treat them during the worship if they distract other children like locking them in toilets.Gone are the days when good food was served in church now thay only give a cheap meal and if members dont keep moring worship on sabbath they cant have a meal in zion.The best thing i liked there was to watch how the missionary would cry while praying and act well and even though she knows it ,she carries on with eyes closed just like a cat drinks milk,another deconess comes so badly dressed showing all corners of her body(open) even after being told she continues to do the same the reason is she gives good tithes.Also a sister who is married had an affair with a married man in church when she was caught or they came to know about it the pastor Stephen call her in the office and tells her to write everything she did with the brother.Result the brother has left the church and she still likes him that the biggest joke.Ha ha ha ha.
@john I would love to print the entire book, “Problems with the New Jerusalem and womens veils”, and giving it to members or putting it on their cars. When WMS showed the video about it, they gave their version and flipped it to their favor. If they could see that ASH really didnt make any claims about God the mother, they might enquire for truth.
Buy a new ride, and then stop tithing. ๐ then inform the brothers you can't give because you have a new financial commitment. And then wait for your new circumstance to be reported to the overseer. And then greet the overseer with a big smile on your face and see the priceless look on his face. ๐
Haha. One time I came with a new purse and I hadn’t tithed that month and I got a study about tithing.I said I tithe when I got money. But they said you suppose to tithe every month. Then I asked what if you don’t have money. I never got an answer.
Quitely go for picnics like my brother Thomas,wife and daughter do with brothers like cornel,Allan do, mix Vodka in bisleri water bottles and hide them under the seat and keep sipping through out the journey to Ali baag.Also a deconess borrowing money from members like a lac of rupees to buy a apartment after she has got her son married to a korean and daughter married to a decon in zion,for this deconees Monika gospip about members is something she just loves.Also falsely accuseing people like missionary (Indians) to the Korean who are in church and letting them report it to the assembly and then, getting them transfered.Also calling the assembly at 1am early morning Korea time saying i need to talk to mother i have a problem and the asembly very confused what to do and ask for answers on the spot.This really happened in our zion in borivli and the missionary gave us big Jazz that mother gets less sleep please do not do this etc.Watching divorced korean deconess marry indian divorced missionary and he is all excited telling everyone that mother has brought us together and blessed us and after two months she leaves and goes back to korea without telling him.Now after some years at present we hear he is finally thrown from Ahmednagar left all on his own trying to go to canada in search of ajob so he can carry onthe mission as a gospel worker beleving in the bible this is all true and the internet is all evil,he also tells everyone in zion that all the pains he is going through is because of the few corrupt people in the asembly he also borrows money from people in zion in the name of preaching.These are some of the fun things i have really witnessed when i was there.
They also used to hate when I would play with my son in the sanctuary, after service. I would twirl hil around or play fight. “Bredder, must be graceful….dis the Hoky of holies”. I would do it anyway. We were having services in a gym, Not the holy of holies.
Is this why my coworker always bought her food at the 99 cent store? She would eat the crappiest food ever.
Haha. Drinking some vodka and redbull before choir practice. This was towards the end. I remember this one time before the feast of unleavend bread I was super tired and we were fasting. Already had early morning service, and was getting ready to drive to zion for choir practice before the 9am service. I stopped off and got a coffee. First time I ever broke the rules so to speak. I was singing in practice and thought for sure the members around me smelled the starbucks….lol. Funny when I think about it now.
Also I was the biggest culprit on "godless chatter". Really it was just football and movies. Lol. I also used to crash in our family car between services. However no one ever "challanged" me or scolded me. Looking back on it now I believe it was because they knew they had the hooks deep in my wife so as long as she showed…the $$$ would always be there. Door to door preaching was the worst…omfg. I always hated doing that. Mainly because I wanted to relax on Sundays. Anyways I would always bring up "non zion" related stuff to my preaching partner. Not to be malicious…but just to stark up convo. Most of the time we would have great conversations. However when we got back to the group it would seem that we just came from the twilight zone and the time spent earlier didn't exist. We had to put on the "mask" so to speak. "How was it? Good good! All glory to father and mother! Yea yea! Amen"! Excuse me I'm going to go vomit now.
I would also sneak and eat something during fasts. I knew that the WMS fast definitions were wrong, “Bredder, a true fast is nothing…no foos, water, etc.” Not true. There were fasts of no different variances all through the bible.
I want to say I'm COG fasting, but I don't plan to return. Maybe I'm breaking a bad habit.
I suppose you could break all their little rules and transgress their edicate but I don't think that would be fun.
Maybe get up on stage while the pastor is preaching and then bust out some sweet dance moves.
@LambofGod Wow, we would have been great pals if we were still in. I would talk about music, movies, and remix popular songs to include Church nonsense. I also like to ask the Brothers who conformed to Parts, Shaving etc; “Yikes…why did you put that part in your hair, it looks crazy.”
@John I joked with my wife, about going back to attend onw service, just to see what they would do. Like, walk in sit down and conduct a service like we never left, just to see what would happen. I wonder if they would call the cops?
@untouchablej Do it! But have your cell phone camera on the whole time. They probably would call 911 but the worst that could happen would be a tresspass notice. But a video like that would be a hoot!
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