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I'm so lost. I had entire paragraphs typed out here with all of my struggles and emotions but all it comes down to is that I'm lost. I was raised on God before the cult. I grew up with the teachings that God was the reason I was awake that day, the reason I beat cancer, the reason for many great things. Then the cult made me think that Satan was the reason I was awake that day, in the physical world called Earth. Satan was the reason I was given cancer, in my temporary physical body. Satan was the reason for the greatness of 'all phsyical things' …and now I'm out, and I'm lost. If you're reading this, does any of it make sense?
Yes, I understand. The church told me I sinned in heaven and that I was cast down to earth. Its an interesting concept for me. However, I’m trying to forget that. I always wonder, what if it’s true? The church changed my mind as well.
Satan still has to ask God, (the Most High) for permission. Not everyone agrees with me, but I will still suggest reading the bible without the influence any cults. God does promise peace, a new earth, a new order of life in the future. Also God will bring restoration to the earth (after the end times).
As long as the sun rises in the morning and the moon at night, it shows God watches over us and loves us.
I am just as lost and confused as you are. I haven't read the Bible or wholeheartedly prayed to Jesus since I left four years ago. It's a constant struggle of the mind. I try not to think about it. But when I do, I wonder how much of what they taught me is actually true. Or what would happen of me if I were to die without knowing what the real truth is. It's very difficult for me to get rid of the brainwash fully. I try to live for today and focus on other things like my future. As for my spiritual needs, well they haven't been met since I left the cult. It will take time, just how much time, only God knows. So you are not alone
Done, many people, if not most, who leave the cult need therapy of some sort for a while to rid themselves of the mind control and phobias instilled by the Wms. There is no reason to fear ANYTHING that they told you to be afraid of. But you need to sort it out, and if it's been four years and you are still working on it, I suggest you get counseling. It isn't a weakness in you or any other former member that you are having difficulty. But it is a real strength to get some help on this. It takes everyone a while, but many here will gladly talk to you as well. As you said, you definitely aren't alone.
I have been out, almost a year. So, I am back to realizing there is more out there but sometimes a “what if” pops up. I honestly can dispel it because there are so many 1/2truths in the WMS. Im trying to obtain the things that WMS said didnt matter; A house, a car I want, a 529 college savings for my kids etc.
What if we are really going to ascend to heaven with mother, hand in hand, together!
All kidding aside, my what ifs are: were we really cast out of heaven? What if this is spiritual prison. You know, what if they got that right at least?
It’s funny how a house and wheels aren’t supposed to matter to you. However, to some of these South Korean members, such things matter to them greatly. Buying a house was all my overseer talked about before I left. He wrote it in some of his sermons. I remember thinking to myself, here we go again. Double standard?
So your Overseer wanted a house??
Yes. My overseer wants to buy a house. Last I heard he is still living in the church building. He’s got a room he resides in. After the 2012 teaching expired, he starting talking about buying property. After I sold my property, and then another member bought a house, he really got going about buying a house. He moved to my city, and he plans to be a resident.
@Mayor Wow…I hope he knows head office would never allow that. I hadn’t had much experience visiting many other “Zions” while there, but All 3 of the Overseers I had lived on the church property, as well as the assistant Overseer.
Yes, Mother lives in her own nicely built temple, and that’s why I think my overseer lives in the church building as well. He never actually confessed to me “Mayor and Mike I want to buy a house.” But he talked about members moving into houses and he wanted the group to be property owners, him included. (he was dreaming) You are right though, he would have to get permission from head office to do such a thing.
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